A Real man.

I just read a tweet that said: Real men are not vegetarian. I disagree with this. First of all because I believe there is no such thing as a "Real man". Just to get it out of the way, the concept of a "real man" that I see today has a lot of prejudices and stereotypes. This would be a though, dirty, rugged, meat-eating, tyrannosaurus sexual beast, also gay loathing, lesbian loving, misogynist.

I am struggling to reach a more adequate definition of a "Real man". You can't base it in what a societies dictate. Because every society is different. So, is a "real man" a "manly man" a misogynist man? or just a man that lives and supports a dominant male culture?
I can only say that a "Real man" is one that exists and that has a penis (with out the pun or the negative connotation).
However what about transgendered women and men? If a male "transgenders" to female did he stop being a man even with or without reassignment surgery? What about a female "transgendered" to male? What does it take to be a man?
So, I would take out that part about having a penis because I feel like it would be unfair for a transgendered person. They live, act, behave and embrace the sex they choose to be.. and even be "more of a man" than a "real man".

Now, I touched on the meat-eating. When did eating something or not define who we are? Granted the phrase that says "You are what you eat" could be used, but I think it refers to our health, not our definition. If I eat only sugar, I am very energetic and possibly become a diabetic. If I eat only fat, I will sure have fun when my heart clogs up. What we eat does not define us and I think that it's very disrespectful to vegetarians to say that a "real" whatever has to eat meat.

Entertaining my thoughts, just suppose that a "real man" is not a vegetarian holds true. Does that mean that "real women" are vegetarian? What the fuck? What is a "real woman"? Can I use the same arguments for discrediting the concept of "real man"? Would a feminist be offended if a born man has gender dysphoria and leans towards feminization finally calls himself a woman? Isn't that misandry?
I think we've all seen when a woman is like a man we call her a "butch" and a man like a woman a "sissy". Both words are one thing: stereotypes.
Woman and man? sometimes stereotypes, sometimes gender, sometimes just appearance.

We are only Humans and a "Real human" is any human.

Today is a Monday

Even though today is a Monday, I feel good. I had to share this, because it's been a while since I felt like this. Like, a new cycle has started. This is very internal. Have you had those moments where you suddenly realize that something changed? like something has passed? I feel like that.

However, I don't think I'm out of the woods yet. Definitely getting there.

Cheers...

A long time ago since...

It's been so long since I had so much energy inside of me.

When I was younger, around the time I was in High School and College there were times that my emotions overwhelmed me so much that I felt like I had to do something to cope with it. The emotions were so strong that they manifested themselves as energy. The main emotions I remember were anger, sadness and joy. I would be untrue if those where the only emotions that had, but as these things go, there was a mix and a whole variety of emotions in me at times. Anyway, those 3 were the strongest. Whatever the situation that enabled those emotions didn't really matter. I had to do something about them, or in my own terms, about the energy.

So, first I drew. I have lot's of old drawings that I did of anime. I also began writing poems. It was very artistic period for me. So, as I drew more and more, the drawings were more complex. When I had something that pissed me off or depressed me so much that it got to a point that I felt I could burst instantaneously I drew something that was harder or more difficult than I had before. I guess I drew because I couldn't make sense of my feelings and released some of it by drawing. As I got older, I was better at expressing those feelings in words, and that's how I got to poetry. I didn't receive any input on how to draw or write other than what I learned in public schooling. I didn't have many focused classes towards any of these forms of art or expression.

Little by little, I discovered that words were a better form of expressing because it not only helped release the energy but also could express what was going on. So, the last actual drawing under the influence of the energy surge was one of the Knights of the Zodiac. I'm not sure but that was early in college. In college I didn't write as much poetry. I had a journal. A real journal, no electronic digital textualization of my thoughts yet. It was an interesting time to say the least. I wrote on and off, mainly when I need it to get things out of my head on paper. I picked up this quote which I don't remember the author: "Words, once written, have life of their own". I treated what I wrote like that, and that helped when I read back in the sense that I was really looking at myself from the outside. Out of the box. Cool stuff, specially when you are trying to make sense of what you want, where you want to go, what you like, don't like, explore your inner thoughts and, be truthful to yourself.

Before I finished college, I was busy with work, basketball and obviously school. So I didn't write that much, but then.. Enter blogger. I created this very same blog. I have some weird shit in here. Thoughts, poems, cryptic self messages, rants. This too had a cycle like my other forms of expression. I got a lot into music and especially to progressive rock/metal. Which I felt filled a desire for complex structures like I had complex feelings. I do not write very often anymore. In part was because I felt no need due to a sensation of balance and direction. There were ups and downs during the last three years that weren't documented in this collective of words.

This day, when I stared to write this, I had the urge to do something from so much energy in me. I am going through some weird internal turmoil which has affected my ability to focus, to communicate and feel good. I could be depressed or anxious or tired or frustrated or impatient or angered or overwhelmed or something I can't think of right now. It could be a mix. Hell, I think I have all of them each in different amounts. I will confess that I had so much energy that my mind crossed the thought of having some form of physical pain to drain the energy. It was a low point, yes, but I am not that kind of person nor I want to be. Besides there are better ways to let go of this energy. I could run for a few miles until I am ready to drop. I care about my self enough to not do something stupid. There are also people out there who care about me too. In particular my wife, my friend, my partner, my light of day. So, I decided to write and share this with my self and anyone who may read this. To liberate some of that energy, because I felt like I was going to burst. Now, I'm glad that I did, I feel a little better. At least good enough to start tackling whatever the fucking hell is bugging me inside. I had enough. For a moment I was going to say that I was going to go back to myself when I realized how silly that is. I can't go back to who I was but I can evolve to a better version of that.

changes are coming...

Changes are coming, keep posted...

I've been feeling like blogging again.. lots! but I don't want to start another blog. I want to use this one. However, as much as I like the posts here I want to archive them; keep them available, but not on this blog.

... mmm.. I'm still thinking about how to proceed.. we'll see.

-C

Untitled (On purpose)

Here I let my thoughts drift.

Tonight I close my eyes and let my imagination drive.

On a moment of insipiration, I give life to words without hesitation.

Flow has become me, in ways of waves of vibe.

Lucid, is the essence, and a spark finally caught on.

Oh night, How I missed thee.

(Translation: I am most inspired at night and tonight, I felt like posting)

My Kind of Girl..

I would like to share something I wrote a loooooong time ago (which would be 6/13/2006):

If you like doing sports... you're my kind of girl.
If you like watching sports... you're my kind of girl.
If you don't like smoking... you're my kind of girl.
If you like looking at the clouds.. you're my kind of girl.
If you like looking at the stars... you're my kind of girl.
If you like Anime... you're my kind of girl.
If you like to be sexy... you're my kind of girl.
If you like to be feminine... you'r my kind of girl.
If you see things in people's eyes... you're my kind of girl.
If you belive in flying... you're my kind of girl.
If your social life does not depend on clubs... you're my kind of girl.
If you don't need to drink to have fun... you're my kind of girl.
If you like set the sun down... you're my kind of girl.

If you are looking for me... I'm your man, girl. I've been looking for you girl.

So, here is to follow up.

Caro, thanks for talking to me, your seeded in me hope.
You lit the way for me, you are my guide in the dark.
You always held out a hand, you are my best friend.
You dared to open my heart, I gave it to you all.
You are my girl...
I love you.

Today..

Someone once called me a fucking optimist (pinche optimista).. hehehe can't say that it doesn't fit. Certain circumstances have forced me to ride a bicycle to work instead of a car.
Today it was my first day that I did so... and I got to say that I love the scent of morning and splashing fresh air on my face.
.. just like the old days.

I can has japeee!!1!11!
lolz

Las cosas claras..

Yo no soy Ateo. Soy Ateísta.
Curiosamente Ateo se refiere a un solo Dios (lo escribo con mayúscula solo por ortografía, no por alguna otra razon), e igualmente de curioso Dios en la lengua española solo se refiere al dios de Abraham. No voy a ondear con referencias bíblicas ya que solo quiero resaltar la diferencia entre las dos palabras.
Ateísta, segun la rae, es lo mismo que Ateo. En esto difiero de forma contundente, ya que debería referirse a deidades y/o dioses.

Ejem.. clarifico, soy Ateo y Ateista. Porque el ser Ateista engloba lo Ateo, segun mi percepcion de la palabra.

Vaya sorpresa. Este es un tema con mucha profundidad, pero por ahora solo digo: no creo en un dios, ni en dioses, ni en deidades, ni seres supremos y sobre todo en Dios.

Es algo muy fuerte para los que hablamos español, porque nuestra lengua, historia y cultura tiene ligada sus emociones y percepciones con esta palabra (Dios). No se asusten, no pasa nada. Esto es algo que ya venia cocinándose desde hace mucho, solo que al no vivir en un lugar lleno de presiones sociales sobre cargadas con religión ya me siento mas seguro al decirlo.

No se vayan con la finta de que me voy a hacer "malo", porque el ser Ateista tambien significa que no creo en el diablo. ;)

-C

I am not a Atheist¹. I'm a Atheist².
Curiously, Athesit¹ refers to a single God (written in Capital letter because of spelling, not for any other reason), also curious is the fact that God in the spanish tongue only refers to the God of Abraham. I'm not going to dwell on biblical references because I only want to point out the difference between both words. So, I completely disagree with the first definition, because it should refer to deities and/or Gods.

Ejem.. I clarify, I am Atheist² and Atheist¹. Because Atheist² encompasses Atheist¹, according to my perception of the word.

What a surprise. This is a topic of huge depth, for now I only say: I don't believe in a god, nor gods, nor deities, nor supreme beings and most of all God.

This is a strong subject for those who speak Spanish, because in our tongue, history and culture this has emotional ties and perceptions with this word (God). Don't be afraid, nothing is going to happen. It's something that has been cooking for a long time, it's just that by not living in a place of social pressure overloaded with religion I feel more secure saying it.

Don't go with the flow that I'm going to go "bad", because being Atheist² also means that I don't believe in the devil. ;)

-C
¹-Atheist (Ateo): Disbelief in [the]God.
²-Atheist (Ateista): Disbelief in God(s) and/or Deities.

<3 equals true

Every night is hard to say goodbye,
Every night we try to smile.

Every day we look for our eyes,
Every day we think of our smiles.

..but forever,
we love each other true.

Not afraid to say it..

It's not a matter of whether God exists or not, but that God never existed in the first place!

0_0

Andromeda - In The Deepest Of Waters

Sit down.. hold on.. and get ready for a music lesson in real progressive metal rock. Speed, Execution, Depth, Lyrics, Flow, Structure. This is one of many instances of true artistic music, not the shittiest stuff you hear in most radio stations.
Did you know that back in the day, orchestrated compositions were considered and thought of as progressive? (yeah, what we now call classical music)
Well, this is pretty much our modern day equivalent.. Get ready for a hearing orgasm:

Whenever I...

I'm in one of those moods that can only be described with music...

..for my Milady Blue.

311

I checked my profile and I had 311 views! lol.. if you go there now you probably won't see it.. but I DID.. muahahaha.. lol

Interestingly Curious

I haven't felt like this in years,
just like a teenager, full of motivation,
yet with the experience accumulated
of the past few years..
I've never been more ready for anything..
I know what I want...
I know who I am...
I know who I want to be...

..it's like looking deep into the sky,
sliding with caress through the waves,
grab a hold real deep, hold your breath,
then... just kiss...

.. so, the only thing left is the how,
and the first step is to just nike-it.
*grin* break more paradigms.

Moving. (Prologue)

Prologue.
So, maybe some you know most of my life story, bits and pieces. It all sums up to that I've been moving around a lot. I was born in San Luis Potosi, Mexico, and 15 days after my birth I then moved to Zacatecas, Mexico. I know, I didn't do the moving really, my parents already lived in Zacatecas, but my Mom wanted to have her first child at her home town and not go through it by herself. Anyways, after a year there my Dad got a scholarship to study for his Master's Degree in Chihuahua. So guest what? we moved. Then 2 years later, my Dad got his Degree and then moved San Luis Potosi. In the next 8 years that followed, I got a precious sister and my little bro. By the end of this period in San Luis my Father had already picked up English lessons, which led to a scholarship for a Ph.D. 0_0.. yeah, a Doctorate. He picked OSU (Oregon State University) which is located in Corvallis, OR, USA to study for his next Degree. Ok, move again, new country, new culture, new house, new school, new friends, new everything save the family. This was a time where I was just going into my teen years, so I spent a lot more time chilling and playing with my friends than with family (my siblings where kids at that time man) . Ever wonder where I picked up these English skills? Well, know you know. This foreign experience gave me lots (in general) and had a great impact on my life in regards to points of view, culture, mindset, language, education, ethics, goals, values and living life itself. So after 4 years in Corvallis, it was time to go back to Mexico and we did. We moved to San Luis Potosi for a very brief period of time (1 month) because my Dad had plans. Oh yes! he had plans! He wanted to live in his home town now, Aguascalientes, Mexico -the land of the good people and a.k.a. the world's biggest cantina- so he applied for a transfer at work to move to Aguascalientes, which he got. Oh, Aguascalientes, if you come to this beautiful town you can't love it without hating it and vice-versa. I spent the next ten and a half years in Aguascalientes as I went through the last 3 years of high school and then 5 of college and the rest working.
This all adds up to one thing. I've been around, perhaps not as much as or as extreme as some other people but enough for one thing. I've been exposed to many things that are the same in essence but physically different. Like synonym words. The might mean the same thing, yet, very subtlety, they're not the same. Like trying out cars. They feel different driving, but they all help you get from one point to another. You learn the same thing but you experience it differently. This is the best way to get rid of a narrow mind. In our human nature, to make contrasts, to compare, to question, to validate.. to learn.
During the past years I've adopted several mantras that I've picked up from my friends and my own experience. One of them is that: as the person that each one of us is, we really don't change, we evolve. If this is so, then it must mean that our core remains the same. Since it's the foundation of who we are. Another mantra, we can't dwell on the past, but we must acknowledge it to build our future. Through our experience, we almost never do the same thing the same way. We don't make the same mistake twice (most of the time), thus we become more efficient. So, we do the same thing but in a different manner. Mmm, sound familiar? (hint: begining of the paragraph).
I'm not trying to be redundant, you might be thinking: "Carlos, where the hell are you going with this?". Well, this is so you get a better picture of a little piece of me. I am no guru, nor a philosopher and this text does not define me. But, as I grew, I've been acquainted to the experience of a new experience, the cultural shock, the social delusions of different regions of the world, the human spirt that lives beyond skin and language. I really love to learn, to evolve and to meet new cultures. To each its own, and each of its own is a world. I would not qualify my self as a world citizen yet, but it wouldn't be too far fetched to say that of me in the future. To me, the world is getting smaller and smaller everyday.
I'm not going to bash out and rant about my last years in Aguascalientes, which I should appreciate a lot since they were an enabler to do what I do now and made who I am. I will say that it made me restless, hesitant and sometimes resentful of they way people acted. Hey, who am I to judge? I will not pay any penitence for anyone other my own family. But back to the matter at hand, I wanted out. I wanted to experience new things again. I was always told that I was a good person, a nice guy, that I had lots of potencial (My core). It took me a while to come to terms with myself about who I was and who I wanted to be (My essence). It took me a while to realize what I could do and what I wanted to do (My instance). Some very small part of me already knew that I was going to spread my wings someday....
... and so I did. =)

Next:
Hope.
Yeah,why not?